Septum piercings are hideous!

I live in San Francisco, where everyone’s so fucking open-minded that their brains have fallen out. You get to see septum piercings here all the time, and let me just say – septum piercings are hideous!

Septum piercings never look good on a woman. Never. Septum piercings are hideous because of two reasons.

First, we all think of cows when we see a septum piercing.

septum piercings are hideous

Septum piercings are for cows, not humans. Image CC 3.0 license – Cgoodwin

Cows are stupid animals that give you milk and taste delicious. Dogs, dolphins, and wolves are smart animals, and I don’t eat them. Cows are as stupid as they come. Stupid is never sexy.

Septum piercings are hideous also for bringing…

…too much attention to your nose. Look at any cartoonist’s work. What part of the face do they minimize? If you picked the nose, you win the prize!

The nose is the ugliest part of the face. You’ll hear compliments about your eyes, your facial shape, your lips, your hair, or whatever. You never hear “Elle has a beautiful nose!” That’s because nobody has a beautiful nose. The smaller, the better. Thus, Michael Jackson was always trying to get his nose shrunk even more, not enlarged!

Septum piercings bring all the attention to the nose. Horrible idea from a beauty perspective.

Bring attention to your eyes, or your lips. Not your nose. You’d think that would be common sense.

Apparently not in San Francisco.  But then again, in San Francisco, the stupid non-conformists all look alike.

Don’t just take my word for it

Actually, don’t just take my word for it. If you don’t believe me about noses, find yourself an experienced plastic surgeon. Ask him how many clients have gotten their noses shrunk.  Then ask how many got them enlarged.

Take a wild guess which direction his clients go. Also, take a wild guess what the percentages are.

I’d be surprised if anyone gets their noses enlarged. That’s because you want to draw attention to anywhere else on the face but your nose.

Eye makeup sells well. Lipstick sells well. Think how many eye makeup and lipstick companies you can name off the top of your head.

Have you ever noticed that no company ever made nose makeup? And why is that?

Eye makeup draws attention to the eyes. Lipstick draws attention to the lips. Blush draws attention to the cheeks. There are a bazillion things women do with their hair. For the nose – nothing.

Anyone remember Cyrano?

Have you ever heard of Cyrano de Bergerac? If you’ve seen 80s movies, you might remember Roxanne. Same thing. Cyrano was the hero who loved a woman and had to woo her, but he had a horribly big ass nose.

Then of course, you’ve probably heard the “would I? would I? Big nose! Big nose!” joke.

You never hear legends about heroes having to overcome their small noses. That’s because small noses are ideal. Heck, look at manga and anime artists. They barely even draw a nose.

Or Pinocchio! Tell me what happened to him.

“But other girls say it looks great on me!”

Yeah, that’s because other girls don’t want to compete with you. No alpha male ever said “I love girls with septum piercings.” If you attract anyone, you’ll attract beta male losers. Have fun helping him pay his bills and holding him as he cries that the other guys are mean to him because of his anxiety.

If a quality man saw two women of equal attractiveness and equal IQs, and one had a septum piercing and the other one didn’t, he’ll take the one without. Every. Single. Time.

If you have a septum piercing, take it out and throw it away. Let your nose heal. Read my how to be an attractive woman article and take it seriously. And don’t worry, I’m not scolding you. I’m telling you this because I care about you.

We all make stupid mistakes.

And now that I have that humans make mistakes stuff out of the way, take your septum piercing out and throw it in the garbage. Your future self will thank me.


Roman is an artist, composer, writer, and travel junkie, and he can still throw a football

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