There’s plenty of hope for the Plain Jane

This one’s for the ladies. And one warning – I speak very frankly. Since we don’t live in a G-rated fairy tale world, I don’t speak G-rated fairy tale speech. I tell the truth, even when it’s brutal.

Plus, I use plenty of profanity. Whatever comes to my head, I say it. You will get one guarantee out of me though that you won’t get from most writers – I tell the truth. They don’t. And you know it.

So, are you a Plain Jane? If so, fear not.

Let’s be realistic. Only 5% of women have naturally pretty faces. Considering half this country is overweight to obese, that would shrink pretty with nice body down to 2.5% of the female population. That makes naturally attractive women very rare.

If you’re a plain Jane, focus on…

If you’re a plain Jane, focus on three things. First and foremost, be interesting. I find boring women, well, boring.

I remember being at a bar because I was meeting my former business partner. The lady beside me was a plain Jane. Not pretty, but in pretty good shape. She was wearing a baseball cap and jeans. Not even dressed up.

Anyways, we get to talking and I’m talking about my younger brother. If you’ve been reading this blog for awhile, you’ll know that I’m currently a successful investor, struggling artist, and failed athlete. My younger brother had a better shot at success and tried out for semi-pro baseball.

advice for the Plain Jane

Well, semi-pro players are better than college players. From the shortstop position, he pretty much stopped everything and almost always threw out everyone running to first base.

However, semi-pro players run faster, and he had a problem throwing several of them out. Needless to say, he didn’t make the team.

I’m telling all this to the chick next to me and she replies “well, tell him to try out for second base next year because it’s a shorter throw.”

Holy shit! She speaks my language! Do you have any idea how sexy that is?

Yes, I was already married by then, but had I not been married, I would have made a move on her.

And second…

Yes, men love to talk. There’s nothing like finding a woman that men could have a two-way conversation with. That’s hot.

But being real, we’re also visual creatures.

Like I said earlier, 5% of women are naturally pretty and of those, half of them don’t maintain their bodies. Have a smoking hot body and it totally makes up for your lack of prettiness.

Yes, seriously. Look, my locker room talk makes our current President’s locker room talk sound like Mother Theresa’s. I got a dirty mind, and I won’t apologize for it because I refuse to apologize for being human. If you’re offended by that, then as far as I’m concerned, you can go fuck yourself. I’m a human. I have faults. And some of my faults, I refuse to correct because they actually help my art. I’m pretty fucking sick of being politically correct for others’ delicate sensibilities.

Anyways, back on topic, I have more experience talking about chicks than anyone. I’m a musician for Pete’s sake. I’ve seen and done it all. And as a musician, I can tell you what is sexy and what is not.

Men like bodies. Like I said multiple times already, pretty faces are rare. Your competition is scarce. Squats and deadlifts, baby! And of course some cardio.

Also, cut out your processed foods. Processed foods make people fat. That shit is garbage and probably contributes to the high cancer rates as well.

If you have the money, hire a personal trainer to get started. I strongly advice people to learn how to exercise the right way so you don’t get injured. $1000 on a personal trainer is significantly cheaper than multiple doctor visits plus physical therapy.

And third…

Learn how to smile. Smiles are sexy. But like anything else, smiles take work.

You get good at anything via repetition. This may sound cheesy, but it’s highly effective. Practice your smiling in the mirror. Don’t get discouraged. Do this often, and take it seriously. A sexy smile will smoke your competition because most women are awkward. Not singling out women since most people are awkward, period.

And yes, a sexy smile is a learned thing. Just like my poses. This shot for instance, I learned how to pose like this through male model videos. I didn’t play the tough guy bullshit and say “oh, men don’t need to learn how to pose.” No. When I watched those videos, I took them seriously and I practiced the exercises in the mirror.

There were definitely befores and afters. In the before shots, I wasted a lot of shots with models because I didn’t pose correctly. In the afters, I had a lot of shots turn out good because that time around, I knew what I was doing.

The same applies for smiling. Learn to smile and practice it in the mirror. Then take some pictures and study them.

Don’t beat yourself up. If you find something you need to improve, then improve it.

Everything takes effort. If you’re willing to do the work, you’ll smoke the competition. In the real world, an interesting plain Jane with a smoking hot body and a seductive smile will smoke the boring pretty girl who let her body go. And it’s not even close!


Roman is an artist, composer, writer, and travel junkie.

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