Well, forgive me if this sounds morbid. But this is how I think.
I’ve lived long enough to have a lot of people I love die. Now, that’s not in any way bragging. It’s actually quite sad. But the longer you live, the more people you know will die. That’s just a cold, hard fact of life.
My heart is phenomenal. Considering the majority of Americans die of heart disease, if that was my only fear, I’d live well into my 100s.
However, I also have to consider cancer, car accidents, etc. So I really don’t know how long I have to go.
Which lights a fire under my ass
That scares me. I have no idea how long I have on this planet. So, I better make use of my time.
That’s one thing you’ll rarely see me do – waste time. If I watch a movie, I write a movie review on it. Blue is the Warmest Color was the last movie I watched and a movie review will be coming soon. I absolutely loved it. I thought it was a fantastic movie.
Tomorrow, my wife and I will go see Black Panther. So yes, you’ll get my 2c on that film as well.
I don’t like to waste time
“Do you want to hang out and do nothing?”
No. My band’s not making enough money yet. So that means, I have a day job. Which means I work at least 40 hours a week + I spend plenty of time commuting. I don’t have that many hours leftover that I can waste doing nothing. I still have to compose a lot of great music before I die.
What if I die tomorrow? Then, I’d be an utter failure. I wouldn’t have lived up to my potential at all.
The best Classical piece I’ve release so far is Queen Mab Has Gone Quite Mad. As much as I liked that piece, it’s far from what I want my magnum opus to be. I’ve got such a long way to go when it comes to what I need to accomplish before I die.
Now, considering all that, I’d be horrified if I suddenly got a disease where I had X months to live. I’d feel like I’ve barely started my artistic life, and barely released anything.
I want to die knowing that I had a long artistic career with a lot of releases outliving me by hundreds of years. If I’m either a successful composer or successful painter, the concept of my death wouldn’t be so brutal.