How old should you be when you stop blaming your parents?

So, this is an entirely different post. I generally give advice that worked for me, whether from a success or a failure. In this case though, I’m going to ask a question. How old should you be when you stop blaming your parents?

I initially said 25, but someone else brought up the fact that some things, like sexual abuse, take longer to heal from. Good point. But even with sexual abuse, how long before you let your free will triumph over your parents’ failures?

Look, I’m sympathetic towards abuse. I have a fierce hatred towards a dear friend’s mother who knew sexual abuse was going on, and beat her for saying something because he was paying the bills. I cannot forgive someone for allowing their child to be sexually abused.

That’s not the only horror story I’ve known about sexual abuse though. It’s just one of many. It happens to be the one that popped into my head.

There needs to be a point you stop blaming your parents

I didn’t have the world’s greatest parents. They weren’t bad though. Somewhere in the middle.

However, as a young adult, I already starting believing heavily in free will. I think I was in my early 20s when I said that magic age is 25. I knew too many college kids who kept blaming their parents for being losers, and it really got old.

Needless to say, I started to think badly of them. When I say thinking badly, more along the lines of disrespect.

We all have unresolved issues. It’s part of being human. Show me a perfect relationship and I’ll show you people who are really good at hiding the bad.

But blaming other people for your failures is not a sexy trait. It’s also not a trait of people I enjoy being around.

I like go-getters with big dreams

You’ll see a different mentality with go-getters with big dreams. I’ve met the whole gambit – some of them love their parents; some of them cut them out of their lives entirely for whatever reason. But rarely do I see go-getters blaming their parents. Instead, they’re focused on their goals.

Blaming is a losing mentality. I saw it in sports. Winners, even when playing a team sport, would put way more blame of themselves when they lost. And you know what? It put them in the frame of mind that it’s up to them to win the game. With that mentality, they were better players.

The same applies to life. Do you think you’d get farther in life if you believed you can improve yourself or if you were blaming your parents for all your faults? Honest question. You already know I believe in the former.

So then, what is the magic age when you have to stop blaming your parents?

Is it 18? 25? 30? 55? Never?

Honest question. And, do you get a decade tacked on if you were abused? Neglected?

This is going to sound cold. I’ve known both successful people who were physically and sexually abused. The physically abused successful people tend to have cartoon male tendencies. The sexually abused successful people tended to have drinking problems.

Yet, they went on to become successful. And if you’ve been reading this blog for awhile, you already know when I say “successful,” it doesn’t mean a number. It’s a level of freedom where you control your own life.

Generally, they’re not blaming their parents. However, they’re not thanking them either and they generally have either cold or non-existent relationships with them.

I know I generally have a happier tone in my blog, and this one is pretty dark. That’s reality though. Not everything is butterflies and roses.

You have to keep going though.

About

Roman is an artist, composer, writer, and travel junkie.

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