The beginnings of my Metal experiences

Remember when you were young and you had stronger emotions?

I remember fondly a young girl, I’ll call her Debbie, who used to be my roller skating dance partner. I remember having that stupid smile that you can’t suppress when you saw her and she saw you.

We’d skate up to each other and just start talking. I’d hold her hand as we’d skate together for the entire session. She’d do most of the talking and I didn’t really care what she said. In fact, I don’t even remember what we talked about. I just remember the feeling of it all. I felt like I was in the best of all possible places. There’s no way I’d be happier anywhere else than holding hands and skating with Debbie.

This lasted for about year. I was eleven. She claimed to be twelve, but I found out later that she was really eight. She was really tall for her age.

My life was changing really fast then. Journey was my favorite band when we first met. Then I started to get into Ozzy Osbourne and Def Leppard.

The bad kids liked Metal

I didn’t tell her that I was getting into Metal. This may seem hard to believe now, but at the time, Metal was something bad. The bad kids liked Metal, and I didn’t want Debbie to see me as a bad kid.

It’s funny, looking back, Ozzy Osbourne and Def Leppard as something bad? How times have changed!

Anyways, Debbie was the prettiest girl in the roller skating rink. She had a pretty face that I can still partially remember to this day.

My grandparents used to take my older brother and me to the rink, but they moved to Colorado and I stopped going. I never saw Debbie again. It ended just like that.

So much changed

So much changed though. I wanted more than anything to play football. I was really good. And I was positive I was going to grow up big and strong and make the NFL.

Journey started to become too light for me and Ozzy Osbourne became my favorite band. Then Randy Rhoads died in a plane crash. At the time, I was bummed, but didn’t really appreciate how important that was.

Ozzy Osbourne as a band never recovered. He had other fabulous guitarists, but never had another songwriter like Rhoads.

I was still scared of Judas Priest and just starting to hear about Iron Maiden as some of the bad kids had Eddie drawn on their binders. I never heard Maiden’s music, but was fascinated by their artwork.

For that year though, it was the trio of bands – Ozzy Osbourne, Def Leppard, and Journey.

Music takes over

It’s weird how I barely remember the first ten years of my life. It wasn’t until music took such a huge part of my life that something mattered enough for me to remember it.

Debbie was such an integral part of that year, yet, I couldn’t draw her today. I just remember that she was the prettiest girl at the roller skating rink, she was tall, she lied about her age, and she had brown hair.

It’s really sad how our memories fade throughout the years. It also bums me out that I don’t feel like I used to feel when we’d initially lay our eyes on each other as the other person entered the roller skating rink.

I couldn’t reproduce that magical feeling, no matter how hard I tried. I wonder if that’s another reason I heavily experimented with hallucinogenic drugs. Imagine knowing you once had really strong feelings and going from being a passionate person to being almost completely logical.

I’m not sure I’d want to see her now

I’m still in touch with some of the friends in those formative years. And yes, I’m still friends with the kid who introduced me to Ozzy Osbourne and Def Leppard. The internet makes everything easy. Before the internet, it was very easy to lose touch with someone, especially if you had a career that made you move out of state.

But would I want to see Debbie? Probably not. It would be horrible if her life went to shit and she aged poorly. I’d much rather keep the memory that my skating partner was the prettiest girl in the roller skating rink, even if I forgot how she looked. I know that may seem fucked up to say, but I promised you that I’ll never lie to you. Whatever comes up in my head, I’ll tell you. I’ll only use fake names to protect the innocent.

It’s sometimes very hard to compose. I have to channel feelings that I haven’t had in literally decades. I haven’t been mad a woman since the early 90s. I’ve been with the same woman since the mid-90s. We never fight. Is that bad for music? Not really because I have learned how to channel my past emotions, even though now I’m a pretty stable and happy guy.

It also helps to have a lyricist. I let Skitz write half the lyrics whereas I focus on the music and the orchestration. I also work pretty hard on my guitar playing.

He’s considerably younger and not tied down. His life has higher highs and lower lows. Married life has more consistency, but it’s mostly mids.

Married life

My wife gives me a lot of space. She knows I need space to create. Right now, I’m sitting here with my laptop in my photography studio writing about a girl I haven’t seen in literally thirty-five years.

She doesn’t get jealous that I will hunt for these old feelings. Not the women, but for the feelings. She knows the hardships and the pain an artist has to go through for art. If you’ve had a perfect life, hate to be a dick, but you can’t be an artist. You have to suffer.

Anyways, of all the years I miss the most, it would be that year. To feel puppy love again. Imagine that. Or maybe we should just move forward.

This, my friends, is the type of writing I do before I start a new composition. Welcome to the brain of a composer.


Roman is an artist, composer, writer, and travel junkie, and he can still throw a football

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